Movies Suck!
by Bubbler Girl
Summary: The story about how a small, slightly crazy muggle girl gets sucked into the movie world of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows! Lots of swearing, crazy adventures, snogging and mischeif ensue.
1. Purple Portals

Disclaimer: HOLY CRAP! I don't own Harry Potter!

Chapter 1 -

Chelsea ran through the cramped apartment she shared with her mother searching for her keys. She was suppose to be at the movie theatre to meet her friends twenty minutes ago but she had to go and loose the keys to her crappy same color as poop saturn.

On most days she would have been delighted to loose the keys because that meant being able to drive her mom's super cool pure white truck but not today. Her mom just had to go in early to work which meant if Chelsea couldn't find her keys then she was, in lack of a better words, totally screwed.

Chelsea flopped onto the blindingly bright green couch and buried her head into the cushions. Why did she always have to go loosing her keys? She would be totally fine with loosing her homework or her pants but she had to loose her keys? The keys to her mode of transportation? She could be so thick sometimes!

A sharp buzzing noise couple with a vibration shook her body. Thinking it was an earthquake, Chelsea dived farther into the plush couch sinking in between the cushions. She felt her cellphone jab at her butt and rolled her eyes at her stupidity. She reached into her back pocket and pulled out her tracfone (Basically the worst phone in the entire universe) and flipped it open. One new text from Jacob.

Jacob was probably Chelsea's best friend in the whole entire universe. He had helped her out of many tight situations and they'd basically been through everything together, even that time where they got stuck in that giant vat of gooey pancake had gone to every single Harry Potter movie at least twice in theatres, and they always went to the first showing. Tonight was the midnight premiere of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and there was no way in hell that they were going to miss it.

Without reading the text which was probably something like "Where are you?" Chelsea jumped up from the couch and frantically searched for her keys. She couldn't miss the movie because she wasn't going to let Jacob, or Severus Snape down.

"WHERE ARE YOU YOU FUCKING KEYS!" Chelsea roared roughly pulling open the top dresser drawer and searching through it's contents before slamming it shut and cursing like a sailor under her breath. If she didn't find those keys soon she would start screaming so loud that the people on the next street would be able to hear her. Ever since she was born she could yell like a foghorn.

Chelsea groaned loudly and hopped up on her window sill. She always did get her best idea sitting up there in the cool night just looking at all the car lights and bright signs. Her eyes locked on the familiar truck, her eyes widening and a goofy grin forming on her face. She slid open the window and waved energetically hoping to get the driver's attention. Oliver happend to look up to see the girl going completely crazy and knowing perfectly well that what ever she had in mind couldn't possibly end well, called up to her.

"Chelsea, what the hell do you want?" Oliver yelled sounding very aggravated, he was. She grabbed her cellphone from her pocket and scrolled down her contacts feeling incredibly happy that she had Oliver's number.

_"Can you give me a ride? PLESE PLEASE PLEASE!"_ Chelsea texted. She watched Oliver pull out his own phone trying to gage his reaction. He could be a real prick sometimes but was he so low that he wouldn't help a poor sixteen year old girl get to the movies? Probably.

_"Incase you didn't notice I'm kinda WORKING!"_ Oliver texted back glaring at his phone as if it was Chelsea herself. Chelsea rolled her eyes and quickly texted her reply.

_"Your sitting in your truck, you call that working? I'll be your best friend!"_ Chelsea texted hoping desperatly that it would work. Oliver didn't have friends and she had been told before that she made a pretty kick ass friend.

_"I don't need a freaking middle schooler as my best friend thankyouverymuch!"_ Oliver texted saying each word aloud as he typed them.

_"Your driving me. I'll be down in five." _Chelsea texted before sliding her phone back in her pocket and grabbing her purse off the kitchen counter. Oliver groaned and hit his head against the back of his seat. He could drive away but he didn't really have the energy to. Plus, what could be the harm in helping a hot girl? Maybe he'd get lucky, something that didn't happen to him...ever.

Chelsea skipped happily down the steps. She glanced down at her wristwatch. The movie started about five minutes ago but she already had her ticket and the chances were Jacob saved her a seat. It would take her about ten minutes to get to the theatre so she would probably only end up missing the previews which no one watched anyway.

She walked out the main doors of the apartment building and into the cold winter air. She mentally cursed herself for not bringing a jacket but decided that if she ran back in to get one Oliver would certainly leave without her. She ran as fast as her legs could carry her towards Oliver's giant truck that he used to transport meat products all over the country for some company. The truck itself smelled terrible and Oliver was a bit of a pervert but it would get her to the movies and that's all she cared about at the moment.

Chelsea hopped into the car and slammed the heavy door shut behind her.

"Thanks so much for driving me Oliver." Chelsea grinned reaching for the seatbelt to find it had been ripped out and replaced with some linked sausages. She wrinked her nose and slowly retracted her hand before turning to face Oliver. "And by the way, I'm in the eleventh grade, not middle school!" Chelsea said hotly narrowing her eyes.

"Yeah yeah yeah! You owe me!" Oliver yelled thrusting the gear shift and pressing his foot roughly down on the gas pedal. The car jerked forward sending Chelsea onto the floor.

"I'm not sleeping with you if that whats you mean." Chelsea joked. She could have sworn she heard him mutter "Damn" under his breath.

"I don't wanna drive you let alone touch you!" Oliver yelled angrily. He held out his hand. "Ten bucks. Give it." He demanded.

"Fine!" Chelsea grumbled sticking her tongue out at him before reaching in her purse and pulling out a crinkled ten dollar bill. She put the money in Oliver's open palm before crawling back onto her seat only for the truck to round another corner and send her back on the floor.

"This truck sucks!" Chelsea groaned not bothering to get up knowing as soon as she did she would be sent flying yet again.

"Hey!" Oliver said, clearly offended. "Don't talk about my baby that way!" he defended tenderly rubbing the dashport. Chelsea rolled her eyes and decided it would be best not to coment giving the current circumstances.

Chelsea eventually pushed herself back up on her seat to see that they were quickly nearing the theatre. Her skin began to tingle with excitement and she almost didn't notice the giant swirling portal open up in front of the car.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!" Chelsea screamed latching onto Oliver's arm as he slammed down on the breaks. It was to late, the car started to slow but still went directly through the purple portal.

**Here's the first chapter(: as you can see theres gonna be lots of swearing and crazy shit happening! YAY! Anyway, I'm not sure if I should make Oliver a main character...Should I just kill him off or have him go on the journey with Chelsea? I'm letting it up to you guys! Reviews?**


	2. Friggen Muggles

Disclaimer: Want to hear a secret? I don't own Harry Potter! Who knew?

Chapter 2 -

"GAH! She won't pick up!" Jacob frowned flipping his phone shut. He had been trying to call Chelsea for the past hour only to get either ringing but no answer or just automatically go to voice mail. It was like her to be late but she would never miss Harry Potter! Somthing bad happend and he knew it.

"I'm sure shes fine..." Devyn said unsurely looking at her own phone to see if she had recieved any messages from Chelsea. Nothing. She was getting worried.

"It's starting." Jacob said sadly as the WB logo floated onto the screen. Was she hurt? Was she just late? Was she dead? To many questions floated through his head. Chelsea had always told him that he was to much of a worrier.

"Relax, She probably just lost the keys." Devyn reassured resting her hand on top of Jacob's shaking one. She wrapped her fingers around his hand and gave it a tight squeeze before returning to the movie.

Little did the two friends know, they would be seeing Chelsea sooner then they thought...

* * *

With a loud swoosh of wind, both Oliver and Chelsea fell on there faces onto cold and rocky ground. Chelsea pushed herself up into a sitting position with a large grunt which none of the surrounding people seemed to hear.

The truck was gone. The portal was gone. All knowledge of where the hell they were was gone. Chelsea looked around the area trying to look for any sign of where there location could be. The once pure black sky was gone and replaced with a morning gray. A fat drop of rain landed on the middle of her cheek. Oliver remained still on the ground, probably either dead or passed out. Right now, Oliver was the least of her concerns.

"We all must remain strong through these hard times!" A mans voice sounded around them. Chelsea's eyes floated to the man standing on a large wooden box delivering some sort of speech to a crowd of hungry looking reporters. The man had a mane of brown hair with long streaks of gray spread randomly through it. His eyes were the ugliest shade of yellow that reminded her of pee and his voice seemed to suggest that the problem at hand was nothing to joke about.

The reporters snapped picture after picture of the man hanging off of every single word that left his extremely chapped lips. Chelsea got to her feet and realised that her appearance had changed. She had been wearing a shirt that had the logo of her favorite band Paramore on it with a neon green tutu and some black leggings but that was gone. She was in a tan trench coat, the kind that the spies wore in the movies. The collar was popped shielding her neck from the cold. Her crazy curly blonde hair which had hung freely was tied back in a high pony tail and from the feel of it had mysteriously became perfectly straight. Her legs were adorned with skinny jeans and her feet were covered by extremely comfortable fuzzy boots. She looked down at Oliver, he to had changed. His scraggly brown hair was now clean and cut. What he was wearing couldn't be seen but the chances were it had changed just like her own wardrobe. Chelsea couldn't help but notice that she felt incredibly different. Something inside of her just felt..._magical._

"With the threat of the Dark Lord looming in front of us, the ministry will not cower! Will we face this attack head on! We will protect each and everyone of you!" He yelled powerfully. Colective whispers and murmurs erupted from the reporters. Chelsea froze. Dark lord? Ministy? She knew those words. Any Harry Potter fanatic knew those words. She gave the man a closer look and saw much to her amazement that the man giving the fiery speech was Rufus Scrimgeour. Her eyes skimmed the area around her. She wasn't positive but if she wasn't mistaken she was in Diagon Ally. She was in fucking Diagon Ally!  
Then Chelsea did what any normal human being would've done in a time like this. She screamed. She opened her mouth as wide as possible and screamed louder then she had ever screamed before. Now everyone noticed her. The reporters along with Scrimgeour turned to look at the seemingly crazy teenage girls eyeing her with mixtures of amusement, fright and annoyance.

"Hey folks." Chelsea greeted akwardly raising her hand in a sad attempt at a wave. The reporters rolled there eyes and turned back to the Prime Minister. A beam of light blue light surrounded her trapping her within a circle. She brought her hand to the light and let out a yelp as the blue fire burned her hand leaving her with a rather nasty scorchmark. The blue light surrounding her grew larger and larger until it blinded her completely from the people around her. With a blink of the eye she was gone from Diagon Ally and was falling through the sky.

She was falling fast, the force of the wind sent her limbs and hair forward. Chelsea wanted nothing more then to be back in the meat smelling junky truck. All she had wanted was to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, not be in it!

How in the world could she be in the Harry Potter universe? For one thing she lives in a small town in the crappy state of Pennsylvania which is in the states and Harry Potter is set in London. Of coarse there was also the fact that Harry Potter and his world weren't real. Harry doesn't exist, Snape doesn't exist, Draco doesn't exist and Dobby doesn't exist.

But it felt so real. It really felt like she was falling through the sky plummeting to her death. That old guy have really looked like the Prime Minister of the magical world. When do the words "Dark Lord" ever come up in normal speeches? That blue fire that had surrounded her had burned her. She looked down at the hand to see that the scorch mark was still there, glowing like red embers.

Why should she even care? She's falling to her death anyway. Theres no way you could fall from the sky and land on your back without killing yourself. She would be dead in a matter of minutes and then she would either wake up from the nightmare of just..._die._

And that's when she impacted. Her back landed with a loud slam on the hardened dirt ground. All the wind was knocked from her lungs and her back arched in excruciating pain. Her eyes fluttered close and while the pain settled in she waited. She waited to die.

But she didn't. The longer she laid there the more the pain would leave her body. After a few minutes she felt perfectly fine. All the air was back in her body and she didn't even feel bruised. She pushed herself up on her elbows and surveyed her surroundings. She really didn't like this whole teleporting thing.

Chelsea was surrounded by giant green shrubs. It looked kind of like she was trapped in a maze. The ground was hard dirt with a few tiny sprigs of grass shooting from the dry cracks. A head of her was a black iron gate that had an intricate design. Looming in the distance was a Mansion that looked rather spooky, like it had came out of a Scooby Doo cartoon. All it needed were the bats and some omminous lightning.

Her appearance had changed yet again. She looked rather pretty this time. She was wearing a red top with three finger length straps. The top was layered and kind of looked like the kind of dress the little pixies wore in those kiddie films. Covering her legs were nothing but a pair of shorts leaving them dreadfully cold and prickled with goose bumps. Her hair was free now but not curly and frizzy like usual. It felt long and layered. Her feet were bare but her usual unpainted toenails were painted with a maroon polsih which kind of looked like the kind her grandma always wore. She couldn't help but smile at the fact that the color looked so much better on her normal toes then on her grandmothers wonky fat toes with sideway pointed nails. She shuttered at the very thought.

Chelsea looked around to find Oliver no where in sight. Where had he gone? Maybe he was still in Diagon Ally? It was probably safer there for him because where ever she was she didn't like the eerie feel she was getting. Footsteps pounding on the ground snapped her out of her thoughts. Going by instinct she scrambled to her feet and hid inside one of the shrubs. Branches scratched and stabbed at her skin but she was more preoccupied with staying hidden.

Chelsea's eyes found him. It was none other then Severus Snape walking swiftly through the shurbs knowing exactally where he was going. His hair like always was an attractive kind of greasy, his robe was billowing behind him like a cape of darkness containing hundreds of secrets and in his hand was his wand. He flicked his wand and she was tyring to figure out what non-verbal spell he had just cast when she fell out of the shrub and flat on her face. She flipped over and was met with cold black eyes.

"Hello Sevvy..." Chelsea whimpered her eyes widening in amazment and fear. She wanted nothing more then to touch him and see if he was real but knowing that doing that would scare the shit out of him, she resisted.

"Who are you? Give me a reason not to kill you right now." Snape hissed pressing his wand to her throat. Chelsea peered down at the wand and then back to his eyes which looked just about as loving as an electric eel.

"Um well, I'm a muggle...I'm not really any threat to you or what ever the hell your doing. Listen, I don't belong hear." Chelsea breathed. The tip of the wand stayed at her neck but it wasn't being pressed as forcefully.

"Damn right you don't belong hear." Snape drawled. He stood up from his position and pointed the wand directly at her. Chelsea's mind soared with possibilities of what he could do to her with just a simple flick of his wand. Everything frome exploring her mind to killing her in an instant flashed past her eyes.

_"Episky."_ Snape said softly. Forgetting what Episky ment, Chelsea suspected the worst and crossed her arms in front of her chest as if that would be any help what so ever. Much to her and Snape's suprise the spell bounced off of her and hit his finger getting rid of the small paper cut he had gotten a week or two ago.

"What the FUCK was that for!" Chelsea yelled getting up to her feet and glaring at Snape.

"You have a cut on your cheek. I _tried_ to use Episky on it but you deflected it. Please enlighten me on how you could have done that if you are no more then just a muggle?" Snape asked coldly in a tone that suggested he in no way thought she was a muggle. Chelsea didn't know the answers to that question herself. How had she managed to deflect a spell, even if it was just a healing one? Would it have been the same if it had been Crucio or Avada Kedendra? Did being in this fictional world give her powers? Oh she certainly did hope so because if she had powers that it upped her chances of not dieing greatly.

"I...I don't know? Look man, I was riding in this smelly meat truck with my perverted aquaintince on my way to the movie theatre when this swirling purple vortex like ate us or something! Now that I kind of answered your question you have to answer mine! Where are we?" Chelsea ranted before asking the question which had been rolling around in her head for sometime. Snape didn't know what it was about the girl but something inside of him told her that it was fine to trust her and he never trusted easily.

"Were at Malfoy mannor." Snape said shortly. He was about to continue when Chelsea squealed loudly and began to jump around.

"Were at Malfoy Mannor? That means that Narcissa's here and so is Lucious and even...Draco... He is so dreamy!" Chelsea giggled as if she talking to her best girlfriend and not a fourty year old man in desperate need of some type of medication to loosen the pole stuck up his ass.

"What is your name?" Snape asked tiredly as she finally stopped her giggling.

"Chelsea. Now if you don't mind me asking, how are we going to get me home?" Chelsea inquired checking over her fingernails which she had just discovered were also painted a pretty shade of red.

"We?" Snape asked raising a fine eyebrow.

"Dude, we've shared names. Your officially involved." Chelsea stated seriously. Snape, now fully aware of the hell he got himself into wanted to slap some sense into himself.

"Fine I'll help you but first we've got to go to the Death Eater meeting." Snape sighed flicking his wand causing the big black iron gate to swing open. Once again, Chelsea squealed.

"For Merlins sake, will you stop doing that!" Snape yelled feeling the urge to strangle her tiny neck.

"It's just that means I'll get to meet all of them! I'll see Draco and Lucious and Bellatrix...Will I get to meet Voldemort?" Snape gave a low hissing noise from the back of his throat. "Oopsie, I mean he-who-should-not-be-named!" Chelsea corrected quickly.

"Well it depends, you might not be alive long enough to actually see him." Snape said drly before walking a head towards the gate. Chelsea followd him happily asking millions of questions. Questions that Severus Snape had no intention of answering.

* * *

"Oh...My...God..." Devyn and Jacob whispered, there eyes the size of dinner plates. That crazy hyper girl was with no doubt there best friend.

"How the hell...?" Jacob questioned trying to find a reasonable reason that Chelsea was in the Harry Potter movie. This was stranger then the time they ended up in that vat of pancake mix...

**This chapter started out kinda slow but when she met Snape I started to really like it lol. Next chapter will have some Draco, I pinky promise! Reviews make me update faster(:**


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